Can you over come the past if everyone keeps putting you there?

Everybody makes mistakes. It truely is something that can not be avoided. Now I have fucked up more times then I care to count. And I know that I haven't always been held responsible for my actions(by others). I always hold myself responsible, one of my biggest problems(to much self-hate as the doctors would say).

There isn't a lot of things that make me happy. Sure a lot of things make me smile and make me laugh. But happiness is that feeling in my stomach deep down, you know what I am talking about. Happiness of the unimaginable. When you feel it, you never want to let it go. Whether it be in a relationship or school or job. You get this feeling and you know that it is good. Of course just like anything, this happiness can change. Because nothing in set in stone.

The past 7 months I found out what it was like to be happy. I came from a shit situation that almost destroyed me to happiness in my home town(never thought I would say I was happy living at home again). But I came back from it. I always do.

And now that the new year is here, I wanted to start it off right. Making right decision. Doing the right thing. Being happier. And in some weird act of fate, I found it. And I love it. But the people around me won't let me forget who I was 7 months ago. They hold it over my head and say it is gonna be like last time.

I want things to be perfect, but in this world I know that, its a hard thing to come by. Perfect I mean. I believe in fighting for what you believe in. And I believe in this. I believe that nothing good comes without a fight. So if you are ready to fight for what you believe, for what you want, for all the marbles. Well then lets fight together. Be you and I will be me. And fuck the rest. If they don't come around, then it is their loss.