Can you over come the past if everyone keeps putting you there?

Everybody makes mistakes. It truely is something that can not be avoided. Now I have fucked up more times then I care to count. And I know that I haven't always been held responsible for my actions(by others). I always hold myself responsible, one of my biggest problems(to much self-hate as the doctors would say).

There isn't a lot of things that make me happy. Sure a lot of things make me smile and make me laugh. But happiness is that feeling in my stomach deep down, you know what I am talking about. Happiness of the unimaginable. When you feel it, you never want to let it go. Whether it be in a relationship or school or job. You get this feeling and you know that it is good. Of course just like anything, this happiness can change. Because nothing in set in stone.

The past 7 months I found out what it was like to be happy. I came from a shit situation that almost destroyed me to happiness in my home town(never thought I would say I was happy living at home again). But I came back from it. I always do.

And now that the new year is here, I wanted to start it off right. Making right decision. Doing the right thing. Being happier. And in some weird act of fate, I found it. And I love it. But the people around me won't let me forget who I was 7 months ago. They hold it over my head and say it is gonna be like last time.

I want things to be perfect, but in this world I know that, its a hard thing to come by. Perfect I mean. I believe in fighting for what you believe in. And I believe in this. I believe that nothing good comes without a fight. So if you are ready to fight for what you believe, for what you want, for all the marbles. Well then lets fight together. Be you and I will be me. And fuck the rest. If they don't come around, then it is their loss.

I kissed a girl and I fucking liked it.

(After a long wait, here is the winning entry for UnRT's first contest.) 

Let's congratulate Buffy Summers everyone and have a read. 

Buffy Summers Reporting: 

I thought I was past at least most of lives 1^st especially in the sexual identity department…

Lets preface the fact that I have been called every variation of the word slut, which really is funny. Doggie Howser M.D. was my first real crush which makes me a quarter century or wait older—still love a dork. Golden rule, glasses + smart, never a disappointment, very eager to learn.

I know enough about boys lets discuss this gay shit….

I haven’t always been liberal to the point of abolishing “typically gender roles” but wow GAYS YOU ROCK…cause people refuse to open their eyes to the choice of two consenting adults to fuck, forget fall in love. YES, I’m aware that some people have religious views & bullshit that conflicts my answer. Get over your uptight crap. But why can’t we all just get over it, it’s like the year 2010 and society can’t even respect each other yet. Get over it, its just love, its just sex, its just pot, it is just fucking fun—live a little.

Now at my crossroads of my new sexually horizon cause if you didn’t get the memo I kissed and girl and fucking liked it enough to say I totally have a girlfriend. I find myself comfortable, and I like that. Do I have a civil union and invetro in my future—who knows? Do any of us know anything for sure? Fuck it I’m busy: busy enjoying life.  

“What is straight?  A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.”  ~Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire, 1947